How to Avoid Scaring Her Off with Your Messages

"Avoid being too direct in your messages"

“Avoid being too direct in your messages”


Sending messages to women on online dating sites can be a pain, especially when you seem to rarely get messages back. Having a woman ignore your message is slightly less aggravating than having her openly reject you, but there still seems to sometimes be no rhyme or reason behind why they never respond. One important thing to keep in mind is that you may have actually scared her off with your message, but you shouldn’t let this discourage you. Instead, you should learn the common reasons why women get scared off from responding to a guy’s messages. This way you can avoid making these same mistakes and you can increase the rate at which you get responses.

Try Not to Be So Forward

One of the main reasons women avoid messages is a very general concept that may be difficult for you to grasp, but it is important to keep in mind when talking to women on online dating sites. Being too forward with your messages can easily scare women off and make them decide against messaging you back. While this sounds vague, it is actually quite easy to combat. All you need to do is avoid being rude or pushy in your messages. You should be polite and complimentary without coming off as desperate or needy. Make sure she knows that you are friendly and you want to get to know her better. Being too overconfident about yourself and being too shy will both do you more harm than good in the grand scheme of things, so try to keep yourself modest when sending messages.

Avoid Mentioning Sex in the First Message

Women will very often choose not to respond to messages from guys who mention sex in the first message. Not only is this intimidating, it’s much too forward and can actually be a total turn off for women. You should never start your message with a detailed description of what you want to do to her, because unless you strike gold and hit the freakiest girl on the site, she won’t appreciate it. She will most likely completely ignore your message or even report you, so try to keep things relatively tame in your first message. Keep the detailed descriptions for when you know each other a bit better.

Avoid Mentioning Meeting Up in the First Message

"What? He wants to meet me tonight?"

“What? He wants to meet me tonight?”


Women are almost always not comfortable with meeting someone they just met on the Internet. They need to be coaxed into meeting in person, so mentioning it in your first message is a fairly reliable way to be ignored or rejected. Take your time when telling women that you want to meet up so that you do not scare them away, because it can and does happen. Your best bet is to wait a few days if you seem to have a strong connection. Anything earlier will most likely scare a woman off and make her either stop responding to you or outright reject you.

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