What to Do if Her Ex is Still in the Picture

So you’ve met a woman and you’ve both clicked. There’s chemistry, there’s harmony, and there’s a ton of mutual interest. But after a few dates you realize one major issue: she’s still communicating with her ex. It’s all right to be concerned by this. In many cases women stay friends with their exes and maintain a platonic relationship. In other cases, however, they remain in touch because there are still some emotions involved. If you’re not sure which situation applies to you there are a couple of ways you can go about figuring out whether you should stay with her or whether you should just bail.

Ask Her About It

"Ask her directly - What she wants?"

“Ask her directly – What she wants?”


Being direct isn’t a bad idea in this scenario. If she spends a lot of time talking about her ex, texting him, or calling him, it’s in your best interests to ask her whether or not there’s something still there. If you’re worried she’ll over react, preface your question by telling her that you really like her and would like for this relationship to continue, but you’re concerned about whether she still has feelings for her old flame. Being candid may inspire her to do the same. If she confesses to what you suspect, you can move on without having any doubts. If she tells you that they’re just friends, you can stop being worried.

Ask If You Can All Meet Up Together

"Tell her that you can help her get out of it"

“Tell her that you can help her get out of it”


If you’re able to see them interact when they’re together in person, you can get a better idea about whether or not you need to be worried. If she’s constantly touching him, flirting with him, and maintaining eye contact with him, you’ve got warning signs. If she stays near and focuses all her attention on you, however, you’ll have a pretty good idea that her ex is just that-an ex.

Meeting in person gives you the opportunity to observe his behaviour towards her, too. If he’s showing all the obvious signs of still having feelings for her, you’ll have to make a decision. Discuss it with her in private. If she insists that the past is the past, you can continue on together. If she confesses she’s not sure, though, it might be a good time to go your separate ways.

Make Your Position Known

If she’s still in frequent contact with her ex despite the fact that she knows that it bothers you, it’s time to take a stand. Let her know exactly what you want in your relationship and that it doesn’t include her ex. If she insists that he’s only a “friend”, explain to her that you should have precedence over him. If she argues, then she’s not willing to let go of him, and you shouldn’t have to waste any more of your time. Alternatively, if she acknowledges that your right and agrees to spend more time with you, it may be worth staying in order to see if she means what she says. Either way, it’s important for you to make your stance known so that she’s aware that you should be her priority.

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